I haven’t been blogging for a while and that’s partly due to little free time and partly because I probably didn’t want to. They say (I don’t know who)that you make time for what you love and I wasn’t making time for blogging because I didn’t know what was going on inside my head to do that.
The past few weeks have felt like a blur. As the end of summer approaches and a new beginning starts I guess I needed to do an appraisal of my life. Does anyone else feel the need to stop and ask what they want from life? Well I do. And I’m going to be honest. What I wanted to achieve last year I didn’t. Not because of drive or will, but I guess inside I didn’t want to. Subconsciously, I didn’t try because I didn’t want to achieve my goal. And I don’t think I would be sat here right now re-evaluating if it wasn’t for life pushing me to do so. I’m a firm believer in finding signs from a higher power and at the exact moment I needed a sign to stop quitting my goal I got one. At the time, it didn’t seem like the perfect moment, but looking back it was. (I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense but its a long story to explain). But I was forced to start thinking and I came to the realisation I wasn’t living in the moment.
My actions up to this point were about the future. I was worrying about things I didn’t need to, planning way to ahead. I realised I needed to stop and take each day as it came and just do me. I don’t mean start being self-absorbed but I needed my intentions to be pure and honest to me. If I was eating a gazillion calorie cake it would be because I wanted to treat my self or to enjoy a good cake, not to eat my feelings. Does that make sense? If I was going to go do volunteering do it because I wanted to help, not because it looked good on a personal statement. (These examples are specific but I hope that makes it clearer).
So for the past few weeks I’ve been doing me. I’ve had clear intentions as to why I’m doing whatever I am doing and I’ve just been me. Weird I know. As i wrote this, I am thinking wtf. But if I am honest with myself I haven’t been thinking about myself in a while, I’ve been thinking about the future (i.e. when I started this blog and was worried about what I would do) and the past (looking at my previous memories). But I know eventually it will all fall into place. Like it has already. And yes, some worrying is necessary but I don’t need to worry right now. I need to stop and appreciate my life; good or bad (no one has a perfect life) and worry when I need to worry about something.
This is probably a nonsense post to most people reading it and if thats you, then thank you for getting to the end. But what I;m trying to say is stop right now. Off the phone, finish this post and take a minute to stop and be in the moment of whatever you’re doing. Take it all in and smile because you have so much to be grateful for.