Crossroads

I haven’t been blogging for a while and that’s partly due to little free time and partly because I probably didn’t want to. They say (I don’t know who)that you make time for what you love and I wasn’t making time for blogging because I didn’t know what was going on inside my head to do that.

The past few weeks have felt like a blur. As the end of summer approaches and a new beginning starts I guess I needed to do an appraisal of my life. Does anyone else feel the need to stop and ask what they want from life? Well I do. And I’m going to be honest. What I wanted to achieve last year I didn’t. Not because of drive or will, but I guess inside I didn’t want to. Subconsciously, I didn’t try because I didn’t want to achieve my goal. And I don’t think I would be sat here right now re-evaluating if it wasn’t for life pushing me to do so. I’m a firm believer in finding signs from a higher power and at the exact moment I needed a sign to stop quitting my goal I got one. At the time, it didn’t seem like the perfect moment, but looking back it was. (I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense but its a long story to explain). But I was forced to start thinking and I came to the realisation I wasn’t living in the moment.

My actions up to this point were about the future. I was worrying about things I didn’t need to, planning way to ahead. I realised I needed to stop and take each day as it came and just do me. I don’t mean start being self-absorbed but I needed my intentions to be pure and honest to me. If I was eating a gazillion calorie cake it would be because I wanted to treat my self or to enjoy a good cake, not to eat my feelings. Does that make sense? If I was going to go do volunteering do it because I wanted to help, not because it looked good on a personal statement. (These examples are specific but I hope that makes it clearer).

So for the past few weeks I’ve been doing me. I’ve had clear intentions as to why I’m doing whatever I am doing and I’ve just been me. Weird I know. As i wrote this, I am thinking wtf. But if I am honest with myself I haven’t been thinking about myself in a while, I’ve been thinking about the future (i.e. when I started this blog and was worried about what I would do) and the past (looking at my previous memories). But I know eventually it will all fall into place. Like it has already. And yes, some worrying is necessary but I don’t need to worry right now. I need to stop and appreciate my life; good or bad (no one has a perfect life) and worry when I need to worry about something.

This is probably a nonsense post to most people reading it and if thats you, then thank you for getting to the end. But what I;m trying to say is stop right now. Off the phone, finish this post and take a minute to stop and be in the moment of whatever you’re doing. Take it all in and smile because you have so much to be grateful for.

One thought on “Crossroads

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